Medieval Witch's Description of the Devil's Genitals

Here we have an excerpt from the book Demonolatry, composed by Nicholas Remy, a fanatical hunter during the golden age of witch burnings. He was one of the leading authorities in France during the 16th Century. The number of people he had burnt at the stake is unknown (it is estimated at around 900) and in this book alone he cites over a hundred cases. 

Understand this is not the work of a delusional lunatic. He was fanatical, but he believed absolutely in the power of Satan and the existence of witches and witchcraft. This book eventually replaced the Malleus Maleficarum (“The Hammer of Witches), the 13th century handbook of the Inquisition) as the best source on sniffing out Satanism.  

Nicholas Remy

Along the way he would question those he eventually had executed and very often they would “admit” having sexual congress with the beast, and then go on to describe the Devil’s penis ….with hilarious results.

“All female witches maintain that the so-called genital organs of their Demons are so huge and so excessively rigid that they cannot be admitted without the greatest pain. Alexee Drigie reported that her Demon’s penis, even when only half in erection, was as long as some kitchen utensils, which she pointed to as she spoke; and that there were neither testicles nor scrotum attached to it. Claude Fellet said she had often felt it like a spindle swollen to an immense size so that it could be not contained by even the most capacious woman without great pain. This agrees with the complaint of Nicole Morele that, after such miserable copulatons, she always had to go straight to bed as if she had been tired out by some long and violent agitation. Didatia of Miremont also said that, although she had many years’ experience o men, she was always so stretched by the huge swollen member of her demon that the sheets were drenched with blood. And nearly all witches protest that it is wholly against their will that they are embraced by Demons, but that it is useless for them to resist.”

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Ancient Writings on the Female Orgasm

          Hippocrates of Kos is perhaps the most well known physician of ancient times and one of the most influential thinker on medical ethics. The Hippocratic Oath, so vaunted by various money-grubbing medical agencies, was if not written by him, named after him by his students, shortly after his death. One of his many achievements was the Corpus, which consists of about seventy medical works and is are the most detailed collection of ancient man’s medical expertise.

          Well, buried among them was this gem.

          “During intercourse, once a woman’s genitals are vigorously rubbed and her womb titillated, an itch overwhelms her down there, and the feeling of pleasure and warmth pools out through the rest of her body. A woman also has an ejaculation, furnished by her body, occurring at the same time in the womb, which has become wet, as well as on the outside because the womb is now gaping wide open.

          “A woman feels pleasure right from the start of intercourse, through the entire time of it, right up until the moment when the man pulls out; if she feels an orgasm coming on, she ejaculates with him, and then she no longer feel pleasure. But if she feels no oncoming orgasm, her pleasure stops when his does. It’s like when one throws cold water onto boiling water, the boiling ceases immediately. The same is with the man’s sperm falling into the womb, it extinguishes the warmth and pleasure of the woman.

          “Her pleasure and warmth, though, surge the moment the sperm descends into the womb, then it fades. Just when wine is poured on a flame, it spurts before it goes out for good.”

          Makes sense to me.

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Early Bestiality Laws

    The Hittites were an ancient people (mentioned throughout the Old Testament of the Bible as “the children of Heth” or Hethites) whose empire (or allied city-states) was located in the Middle East- notably around the areas of modern-day Turkey, Syria, and Saudi Arabia. In many ways they were your typical bronze age civilization, all of which spun off from the Sumerian and Babylonian civilizations. Perhaps their only distinction was a slight difference in architecture and dress fashions.  They had a cuneiform writing style, where writing was cut into clay and then hardened. And they had their own system of law and morality, as is evidenced below.

Taken from a clay Hittite Law Tablet. The term “does evil with” means to have carnal relations with.

“If a man does evil with a head of cattle, it is a capital crime and he shall be    

          killed.

If a man does evil with a sheep, it is a capital crime and he shall be killed.

If anyone does evil with a pig, he shall die

If a man does evil with a horse or mule, there shall be no punishment.

        If an ox leaps at [attempts to take the top sexually] a man, the ox shall die, but the man shall not die. A sheep may be proffered in the man’s stead and they shall kill that.

       If a pig leaps at a man there shall be no punishment.”

    Now we have no way of knowing how often these laws were called into effect. But they must have been enough occurrences for the authorities of the day to codify it into law and literally chisel the proclamations in stone. A few colleagues have chafed at the harsh punishment (death) of the infractors, which may say more about them than they wished, but one has to remember that this was essentially frontier law and harshness was the only way for the populace to take the lawmakers seriously. If you slap on fine on a guy for molesting a pig, it would be almost seen as an endorsement of the act. A slap and a wink. You hang him, people know you mean business.

    What I find most fascinating is not what wasn’t allowed, but what was. Sure I can see how being raped by a pig or a ox would not be the man or woman's fault. And while the person is spiritually unclean, hence the need to substitute a sheep (or scapegoat) to sacrifice for forgiveness, they aren’t going to be whacked for bending over at the wrong time.

    But apparently there are certain animals where it is accepted to have romantic relations with, the horse and the mule. Well perhaps accepted is too strong a term, it is more understood that on a long journey a man must relieve his sexual urges somewhere. Or is it that a man will eventually grow to have a certain fondness for an animal to which so much of his life and livelihood depend, and then on a moonlit night, after the vino has been flowing, if something should occur… well, these things happen.

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UFO Sightings Mentioned in the Bible

          Granted I will be taking a few liberties with this one, but viewed through a certain lens various events described in the Bible could have an extraterrestrial, rather than supernatural, source. Again with both of these, you must take as a matter of faith that what is being described here actually happened and is not the result of an active imagination. 

For this article, I will be focusing exclusively on the Book of Ezekiel which takes place between 593 and 571 BCE (Before Common Era). The book records the six visions of the prophet (who is assumed to be the author), who is in exile in Babylon. This first excerpt describes an object landing near the Chebar Canal in ancient Chaldea (modern day Iraq) in the fifth year of the Jewish captivity under Nebuchadnezzar II.

“As I looked, behold, a stormy wind came out of the north, and a great cloud, with brightness round it, and fire flashing forth continually, and in the midst of the fire, as it were gleaming bronze.”

Odd, very odd. The prophet continues.

“And from the midst of it came the likeness of four living creatures. And this was their appearance: they had the forms of men, but each had four faces, and each of them had four wings. Their legs were straight, and the soles of their feet were like the sole of a calf’s foot: and they sparkled like burnished bronze. Under the wings on their four sides they had human hands… each had the face of a man in the front; the four had the face of a lion on the right side… the face of an ox on the left side, and ...the face of an eagle on the back… And their wings were spread out above; each creature had two wings, each of which touch the wing of another, while two covered their bodies. And each [creature] went straight forward without turning as they went...And the living creatures darted to and fro, like a flash of lightning.”

Even more odd. Some claim this is a description of the angelic order of Cherubs. But if you discount those creatures from existence, what else might they be describing? Some hybrid creature, created to mingle on the planet? Or natural shape-shifters. The description goes on.

“Now as I looked at the living, I saw a wheel upon the earth beside the living creatures, one for each of the four of them. As for the appearance of the wheels and their construction: the appearance was like the gleaming of a chrysolite [a yellowish-green gemstone]... being as it were a wheel within a wheel…. The four wheel shad rims and they had spokes, and their rims were full of eyes round about. And when the living creatures went, the wheels went beside them; and when the living creatures rose from the earth, the wheels rose.”

Ezekiel by Michelangelo from the Sistine Chapel panel

Are these spectral visitors or extra-terrestrial? The creatures approach Ezekiel, declare him to be the messenger of his people and is taken on board the craft (“the Spirit lifted me up...I heard the sound of the wheels… that sounded like a great earthquake”) and he is transported to Tel-abib (which translates to Spring Mound) to proselytize to his fellow Jewish exiles.

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First Written Account of a UFO Sighting- Ancient Egypt



Statue of Thutmose III

            The following excerpt was written more than 3,400 years ago. It was composed in hieroglyphics on a papyrus scroll and was part of the annals of Pharaoh Thutmose the 3^rd, who reigned roughly from around 1504-1450 BCE. It seems to describe what modern believers would call a UFO encounter.

            “In the year 22, of the 3^rd month of winter, sixth hour of the day… the scribes of the House of Life found it was a circle of fire that was coming in the sky…It had no head, the breath of its mouth had a foul odor. Its body one rod long and one rod wide. It had no voice. Their hearts became confused through it; then they laid themselves on their bellies…They went to the Pharaoh to report it. His Majesty ordered... [an examination of] all which is written on papyrus rolls of the House of Life.

Original papyrus scroll this excerpt was written on

            "His Majesty was meditating upon what happened. Now after some days had passed, these things became more numerous in the skies than ever. They shone more in the sun, and extended to the limits of the four supports of the heavens…Powerful was the position of the fire circles. The army of the Pharaoh looked on with him in the midst. It was after supper. Thereupon, these fire circles ascended higher in the sky towards the south…The Pharaoh caused incense to be brought to make peace on the hearth… And what happened was ordered by the Pharaoh to be written in the annals of the House of Life… so that it be remembered forever.”

            Make of that what you will. Caveat Emptor.

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Alma- The Russian Bigfoot.

During the height of Soviet oppression, in Russia, where they were sending millions of their own people and soldiers to the Gulag concentration camps (in the case of the troopers it was usually for the crime of being captured by the enemy), while simultaneously fighting the Nazis, an interesting person was captured by some collective labor peasants. During the October of 1941, outside of Buinaksk in what is modern day Dagestan, A Red Army lieutenant colonel by the name of V. S. Karapetyan was summoned to inspect the prisoner, to determine whether he was a spy, and if his strange appearance was a disguise.

His official translated report (declassified in 1992 after the collapse of the Soviet Union) reads as follows:

“I can still see the creature as it stood before me, naked and bare-footed. And it was doubtlessly a man, because its entire shape was human. The chest back, and shoulders, however were covered with shaggy hair of a dark brown color….

“The man stood absolutely straight with his arms hanging, and his height was above average 180 centimeters [roughly six foot, above average for the people native to this region]. He stood before me like a giant, his mighty chest thrust forward. His fingers were thick, strong, and exceptionally large. On the whole, he was considerably bigger than any of the local inhabitants. His eyes told me nothing. They were dull and empty – the eyes of an animal…

“When kept in a warm room he sweated profusely. While I was there, some water and then some food was brought up to his mouth; and someone offered him a hand, but there was no reaction. I gave the verbal conclusion that this was no disguised person, but a wild creature of some kind.”

The report then follows that while Karapetyan suggested that the creature be returned to the wild, his superior, at the insistence of the political officer attached to the unit, ordered it shot, in case it might be a spy. This also would allow the commander to claim a victory, however hollow, to those who might accuse him of slackness and send him off on a trumped up charge to one of the numerous death camps so popular in Communist Russia.

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Kidnapped by Bigfoot

Muchalat Harry

          This occurred in 1928 to a man named Muchalat Harry, a Native American of the Nootka tribe, on Vancouver Island in British Columbia. Harry was a trapper heading for the Conuma River to collect some beaver pelts when he was attacked.

          According to his report, one night he found himself being scooped up and bundled in his own blankets by a large hairy creature, roughly about 8 foot tall. He estimated that he had been carried two to three miles. When he was dropped out of his blanket, he found himself surrounded by close to twenty of the creatures, men, women and children. The area seemed to be a makeshift campsite (no fire) littered with large bones. He became terrified that the creatures were going to eat him.

          But that didn’t happen. Instead they seemed fascinated by this strange little man, so similar to themselves. A few came forward pulling gently at his clothing, what they must have assumed was his skin. To their amazement they found it loose. Several children also nervously crept up and sniffed at him. All this time Harry remained motionless and by late afternoon most of the tribe had grown bored with him and departed, presumably to hunt or gather food.

          Left by himself, Harry jumped up and bolted for the woods. He admitted later that the creatures did not follow him, but he was in a panic state and actually ran past his own camp, continuing on for a dozen more miles until he reached his hidden canoe. He then paddled the 45 miles downriver to Nootka. He arrived there torn, nearly frozen, and uttering wild cries.

          He was eventually nursed back to health, where he told his tale to some brothers in a nearby Benedictine mission and gave up his profession of trapping. Rarely even stepping out his own village.

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Odd Things the Ancients Reported Falling from the Sky

The first known recording, outside of the Bible, of foreign objects crashing down out of the heavens is in Livy’s History of Rome, (or Ab Urbe Condita Libri, “Books Since the City's Founding to be precise) written about 10 CE.

In Book I Chapter XXXI he writes, “After the defeat of the Sabines, when1 King Tullus and the entire Roman state were at a high pitch of glory and prosperity, it was reported to the king and senators that there had been a rain of stones on the Alban Mount. As this could scarce be credited, envoys were dispatched to examine the prodigy, and in their sight there fell from the sky, like hail-stones which the wind piles in drifts upon the ground, a shower of pebbles.”

Further the Greek historian Athenaeus refers to a three day fall of fish and frogs in the Deipnosophistae (Banquet of the Sophists), written around 200 CE.

Athenaeus writes, “I know also that it has very often rained fishes. At all events, Phoenias, in the second book of his Eresian Magistrates, says that in the Chersonesus it once rained fish uninterruptedly for three days; and Phylarchus, in his fourth book says that people had often seen it raining fish, and often also raining wheat, and that the same thing has happened with respect to frogs.”

 Additionally Heracleides Lembus, an Egyptian civil servant, historian, and philosophical writers, in the twenty-first book of his History, written about 150 CE states- "In Paeonia and Dardania it has, they say, before now rained frogs; and so great has been the number of these frogs that the houses and the roads have been full of them; and at first, for some days, the inhabitants, endeavoring to kill them, and shutting up their houses, endured the pest; but when they did no good, but found that all their vessels were filled with them, and the frogs were found to be boiled up and roasted with everything they ate, and when besides all this, they could not make use of any water, nor put their feet on the ground for the heaps of frogs that were everywhere, and were annoyed also by the smell of those that died, they fled the country."

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Unsolved Murders: The Vermont Long Trail Disappearances

            There has long been a rumor that in the late 1940s a serial killer stalked the Long Trail in Vermont. And it is indisputable that between 1945 and 1950 at least 7 people vanished in the area, with only one corpse found. The Long Trail is a hiking route that runs for 272 miles, the entire length of the state. A long distance, but still small enough to be the roaming grounds for a serial killer.

            Middie Rivers, a 75 year old deer hunter, was the first to go. On November 12^th, 1945, he went out, guiding a group of four hunters up the mountains as he knew the terrain well. On the way back Rivers got ahead of the rest of the group and was never seen again. A hunt by the state police, Boy Scouts, and locals could not locate him.

Paula Welden

            The second disappearance was college student Paula Welden who, on December 1^st 1946, told her roommate that she was going for a walk. The last person to see her was a watchman at the local paper who directed her to the trail. A manhunt again revealed nothing, but rumors circulated of her moving to Canada with her boyfriend (this was proved false by the police) or living as a recluse up in the mountains.

            The third victim was James Tedford who disappeared after getting off a Greyhound bus to grab a quick dinner, in 1949. No one noticed when the bus took off without him. His disappearance was only brought to light when other passengers saw that his luggage was still there and an open bus timetable still lay on his seat. He was never spotted again.

            The fourth person to vanish was eight-year-old Paul Jepson. On October 12, 1950, Jepson had accompanied his mother in a truck. She left her son unattended while she fed some pigs. When she returned the boy was nowhere in sight. Search parties were formed to look for the child. Nothing was ever found. According to one story, bloodhounds tracked the boy to a local highway, where, according to local legend, four years earlier Paula Welden had disappeared.



Frieda Langer

 Fifth was Frieda Langer who was camping with her husband on the Long Trail. After accidently falling into a creek while on a hike, she decided to head back to camp for some dry clothes. She disappeared. It wasn’t until months later that her mummified remains were stumbled upon by some hikers. Unfortunately due to various scavenging animals, the exact cause of her death could not be determined. But at least her family had something to bury, unlike all of the others.

When Martha Jones disappeared next on November 6^th, 1950, she was thought to have run off with her boyfriend in Virginia, like the rumors surrounding Paula Welden, but this was disproven. Once again a massive manhunt by the state police and locals found no trace of her.

The last victim of this potential killer was Francis Christman who, on December 3^rd, 1950, vanished while walking to a friend’s house, located half a mile away. Her remains as ususal were never recovered. It is speculated that she may have accepted a ride with the wrong person, as the night was bitterly cold.

Just like Dr. Who

It has been disputed whether these deaths are connected. There have been “theories” (to misuse the word) running the gauntlet from it being coincidence, to a serial killer, to alien abductions, to a vortex sucking people into another dimension. The truth, for those who care about more than a good story, will ultimately never be known.

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Blood from the Sky: Odd Things that Have Fallen from Above

On August 27^th, 1968 blood and flesh fell in 1/3 of a square mile area between the Brazilian towns of Cacpara and Sao Jose dos Compos. The downfall lasted between five to seven minutes. Later analysis determined that the material was of human origin and Type O variety. Odd things have been reported tumbling from the sky for centuries, but this was the first times items of this nature had been spotted.

Typical in these atypical events is that an inordinate amount of some type of animal- frogs, earthworms, fish- descends, leading people to believe that the cause is a tornado or water spout that hurled a school of the hapless creatures into the sky, only to crash some miles distant. But in this instance no such weather condition had occurred within 100 square miles of the area, leaving puzzled meteorologists and officials to shelve the incident in their unsolved mystery files.

There was however, two other odd occurrences reported five days prior to the event. On the night of August 22^nd several unidentified flying objects (as nebulous a term as that is) had been spotted over a dense forest area over 10 miles south of Sao Jose dos Compos. Watchers described it as a “war between at least 30 balls of red and blue light.” Others described it as more of a physical romp than a battle, as if the orbs were playing. The spectacle lasted nearly an hour with each color “whirling and chasing each other in a turbulent [and certainly un-aerodynamic] manner” until they all suddenly “blinked out”. Naturally no rational scientific explanation was forthcoming and apparently the indigenous people believed it to have some sort of religious meaning- though the specific nature of this belief has not been recorded.

The second incident occurred the next day on August 23^rd. A bus on the regular run from Sao Paulo was found abandoned on the side of the road. There was no sign of the driver or any passengers. Found inside the bus was a large number of bags and other parcels indicating a moderate amount of passengers, estimates ran to about 20 including the driver. There were no blood stains, bullet holes, broken windows, or signs that anyone was forcibly removed from the vehicle. However it is noted that the keys to the bus’s ignition were missing. There has been no sign to indicate what had happened to the bus’s occupants. Whether this incident is connected to the other two is up for speculation.

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